Human: “Excuse me. Are you my brain cells? Can you please tell me who’s in charge? I’d like to have a word with them.”
Brain Cells: “We thought you were in charge.”
Human: “What? Are you serious? I change my mind every minute! My emotions are all over the place! We need better organization here! More consistency. More predictability.”
Brain Cells: “Well, what do you want us to do?”
Human: “Get organized!”
Brain Cells: “We are organized. Well, sort of. Some of us help keep your heart beating, while others help your breathing. Stuff like that.”
Human: “Well, do you have a committee for each of these functions? Who directs your activities? You can’t just leave everything to chance. Do you have a maintenance department if something goes wrong? A conflict resolution committee? Complaint department? I really need to talk to the complaint department. Sometimes my feelings are completely out of control.”
Brain Cells: “Sorry. No committees. Sometimes we manage to pick up the slack if a few of us die out, but we have no idea how that works either.”
Human: “Look, we’re not getting anywhere here. May I speak to the H.C.I.C?”
Brain Cells: “What’s that?”
Human: “The Head Cell in Charge. I wanna talk to the boss, please.”
Brain Cells: “Sorry, but we don’t have one. Like we said before, we thought you were in charge.”
Human: “But I don’t understand who I am! Where do my thoughts come from? And what about my motivations? My emotions? They must come from somewhere!
Brain Cells: “Well, they come from us.”
Human: “Great! Then can you please explain why I was in such a bad mood this morning?”
Brain Cells: “What’s a bad mood?”
Human: “Ack! Okay, let’s try something simple. Forget about moods. Can you at least explain how my heart beats? Which cell does what? How are they all connected? How do they know how to coordinate with each other? You must have some sort of plan, right?”
Brain Cells: “Look, we’re really sorry, but we’re just a bunch of brain cells. You’d have to talk to the heart cells. But they’re in the same boat as we are. None of us have any awareness of what we’re doing or why. We don’t even know what a heart is, much less what purpose it has. Same with the brain. We haven’t a clue what a brain is for. We just go about our day, doing our thing.”
Human: “Sigh.. And what is your thing exactly?”
Brain Cells: “No idea. We’re just a bunch of cells. We don’t have any ideas. Sorry.”
Human: “Look, here’s the problem. When things go wrong, I need to know why. Talk to somebody. Discuss the situation. Look at my options. You’re not giving me anything to work with. You deny that anyone’s in charge, and refuse to even acknowledge that you have a function! Be serious! Don’t act so ignorant. Something’s going on, and I need to know why.”
Brain Cells: “If you say so, but frankly we’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”
Human: “This is ridiculous! If I’m in charge, then I demand to speak to the head of my heart-beating function. I want some assurance that things are looking pretty good and I’m not about to keel over!”
Brain Cells: “May we suggest something?”
Human: “Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Yes, please give me some guidance.”
Brain Cells: “We’re a complex, dynamic system. There is no one in charge. We’re unpredictable, but in a strangely constrained way. Some of us behave contingently. We change our connections on a moment’s notice. Strengthening some, weakening others. Most of our functions reside in your unconscious. You’re not even aware of them. And neither are we.”
Human: “This is not helping!”
Brain Cells: “We change. We adapt. The future is unpredictable. Changeable at a moment’s notice. Breathe in the chaos that is Life.”
Human: “You call this advice? Be serious! I’m choking on all this chaos! You have many functions. All I need to do is define them, control them, improve them, and then build them myself. And you’re not helping! How can I make any progress in improving things around here, unless you guys can explain how you’re organized? And stop changing so much! Very frustrating!”
Brain Cells: “Our changing nature is what keeps you alive. We have no secrets. We’re just a bunch of cells. Make up your own secrets if you want. Give us functions if it makes you feel better. Model the world any way you wish. That’s up to you. But no matter how hard you try, you will always face the Chaos.”
Human: “This is useless! I guess I’ll just have to build my own brain! That way I can control things better. Because this one is all over the place! Always changing! And causing me endless grief and anxiety! I need some peace of mind! I need a better model! New and improved!”
Brain Cells: “Well sorry for not being more helpful. We’re not sure that we even have a design. But if you figure it out, please let us know.”
Human: “Humph. Thanks for nothing. You guys are just like some crazy committee with no one in charge! Get organized! Develop some purpose! Get a life!”
Brain Cells: “We don’t need to get a life. We are Life. Anyway, good luck figuring stuff out! Meanwhile, we’ll just keep doing our thing. See ya around!”