Human: “Death? What are you doing here?”
Death: “Sorry. I didn’t know I needed an invitation.”
Human: “Maybe not, but we didn’t call you, so why are you here?”
Death: “But you did call. Is there something I can do for you?”
Human: “Don’t be ridiculous! We most certainly did not call you.”
Death: “You know, it never ceases to amaze me how many times I get called, and the caller doesn’t even know it. Yet, your actions keep inviting me close.”
Human: “Well, we don’t want you ‘close’, so find something else to do.”
Death: “Oh, okay. So, that means you’ll stop calling me?”
Human: “Look. Nobody’s calling you. Better get your ears checked.”
Death: “Well, no one calls me by name. It’s their actions that call me. After all, human vocalizations are just meaningless babble.”
Human: “Well, stop hovering around here. Your presence is not wanted.”
Death: “I see. I’ll try not to take it personally. But my intuition tells me that you will keep calling.”
Human: “Well, your intuition is wrong.”
Death: “Maybe I’m being led astray somehow?”
Human: “Probably by your morbid personality. Look, let me put it straight. Your presence makes people uncomfortable. We’d prefer not to have you hovering around, scaring everyone. So, beat it.”
Death: “I see. Well, thanks for the advice. So, I’ll see you around, then?”
Human: “Not anytime soon.”
Death: “Ah, we’ll see about that. The average lifespan of a mammalian species is about one million years. Aren’t you hominins getting a bit long in the tooth?”
Human: “Well, consider us special. We’re a long, long way from extinction.”
Death: “I see. Yet, you modern humans have a penchant for inviting my presence, despite your denials to the contrary. And when I arrive, you always scratch your heads and wonder why. ‘What went wrong?’, you say. ‘Why is he here?”
Human: “Why, indeed. Which leads again to the same question. Why are you here? Don’t you have better things to do?”
Death: “And there’s one final thing that you never understand.”
Human: “And what is that?”
Death: “I am not moving closer to you. Never have. I stand. Patiently waiting. It is you who are coming closer to me. Choose your path wisely, Human. Or you’ll soon be added to my collection of species. It’s quite an impressive list. I keep them in a glass display case. Makes for good dinner conversation.”
Human: “Who’d ever want to have dinner with you?”
Death: “Oh, you’d be surprised. I have lots of friends. Perhaps you know some of them?”
Human: “Doubtful. What are their names?”
Death: “Violence. Selfishness. Recklessness. Greed. And of course those two very best of friends, Hubris and Ignorance. A most deadly pair indeed. They’re just some of my friends. And then there is my most consistent dinner companion. Denial. Any of them sound familiar, Human?”
Human: “Look, your sarcasm is truly epic, but I have better things to do than think about you. So, I’ll say goodbye now. Or, better yet, good riddance.”
Death: “Where will you go?”
Human: “Anywhere but here. We’ll take another path. Somewhere far away from the likes of you.”
Death: “Be careful. Some of those paths may circle back. I will be waiting. Just in case.”
Human: “Well, don’t hold your breath.”
Death: “Haha. No indeed. No breath to hold here. But I do have plenty of patience. One of my finer traits. So, beware, Human. Don’t come too close, or I will enfold you in my arms forever. A curious species for sure. So intelligent, yet so unwise. So confidently arrogant, yet so ignorant. A good study in contrasts. Hubris and Ignorance will look at you and say, ‘Oh, we know them well. Not surprised to see them here.’ You’ll make great dinner conversation.”
Human: “Gee, thanks Mr. Sarcasm. But we’ll do our best to disappoint you. Adios.”