Reality: “Hi there. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”
Human: “Uh, I’m kinda busy at the moment.”
Reality: “When are you ever not busy? It seems like you’re always too busy to talk to me.”
Human: “Look, Ms. Reality, I talk to you plenty! In case you haven’t noticed, you have an annoying habit of inserting yourself into my affairs at the most inconvenient times.”
Reality: “I’m not sure ‘‘annoying’ is the right term.”
Human: “Actually, that term is perfect. The term I should change is ‘inserting’. ‘Intruding’ would be far more appropriate.”
Reality: “I see. Well, now that we’re having such a pleasant conversation, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking about a topic that we always seem to avoid?”
Human: “And what would that be? Not that I’m agreeing to discuss any topics that you come up with.”
Reality: “Well, I was hoping we could talk about the way you humans really are, as opposed to the endless ways that you think you could be, or should be, or want to be. I figured we could keep things simpler that way. You know, less distractions?”
Human: “Here’s the problem with your suggestion. Every time we get on this topic, it always seems to have a bad ending. War, disease, financial panic, all sorts of wonderful stuff. So, perhaps you’ll understand my reluctance to engage in any conversations with you.”
Reality: “I really don’t mean to be critical, but perhaps if you paid more attention to me before these bad endings happened, then maybe you could avoid them in the first place?”
Human: “Your ignorance of human behavior continues to amaze me. Just to recap what I’ve explained to you countless times: Your existence is ephemeral. You don’t really exist until you do. You pop out of nowhere at the worst possible times. Like take the economy, for instance. You want us to avoid a financial panic, but your timing is all off. While we’re having fun blowing beautiful financial bubbles, you want to intrude on the party and tell us to stop. Did you notice that word again?”
Reality: “What word?”
Human: “Intrude. Your favorite pastime. Besides, it’s way, way too depressing to listen to you. All day long you attempt to interfere with our revelries. Are you getting the hint? Anything sinking in?”
Reality: “Well, I must admit that I’m definitely not feeling the love here.”
Human: “Let me put it this way. We are in charge of things. This is our planet.”
Reality: “All of Mother Earth’s creatures are special.”
Human: “Yes, but we are the only intelligent species on this planet. And, most importantly, we’re perfectly capable of deciding what’s important to pay attention to. So, in case you haven’t noticed, your presence is not exactly welcome around here.”
Reality: “Well , that’s certainly clear.”
Human: “Hey, I have a great idea! How about if we call you when we need some advice? Not sure when that would be, but would that work for you? It sure works for me!”
Reality: “Sorry, but no. I have too many others that I must heed.”
Human: “Others?”
Reality: “The basic laws of Science, for example. You know what they are, right? Physics, biology, that sort of thing. And then there are things like math, Mother Earth, all sorts of others.”
Human: “Hmmm. A strange group indeed. Well, our scientists already use your friends for our own purposes. We’ve mastered them to suit our needs. After all, we are in charge, remember?”
Reality: “But your use of them is sometimes detrimental to yourselves and to the Earth that you inhabit. Not to mention the other residents of your planet. And there are still even more voices that I must heed. One in particular brooks no dissent. He always gets his due.”
Human: “And who might that be?”
Reality: “Death.”
Human: “Oh, please! Now you’re trying to scare me, as if I’m a naive child? While we’ve yet to master him, rest assured we are working on it. The Singularity is near. We will soon approach immortality!”
Reality: “I see. Good to know. However, somehow I’m not convinced that our discussion today has made much progress.”
Human: “So that means we’re finished?”
Reality: “Perhaps for now.”
Human: “Great! Now that is progress! See ya later. Hopefully much later!”